i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
