"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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