So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
