I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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