so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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