please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
