Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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