He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
