I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
