last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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