Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
