I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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