JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
