totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
