Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
