if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
