We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
