My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My liver just had a heart attack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
