I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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