i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
