Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
