You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this boner is exhausting
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
