The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
