Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
