He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
