at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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