That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
