Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
