Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
