All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
