Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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