I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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