I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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