He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
