I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
