I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
