He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
