I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
