im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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