Do you still have your period?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
