piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
