I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
