She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
