He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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