my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
