Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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