I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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