i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
