U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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