There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
