Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
